6 Down 94 to Go: The many faces of Cowardice

Days Writing: 6

Goal: 6000 words

Words Written: 6042

Coward 

Writers, if you didn’t know, are notoriously neurotic. Our minds run wild and play very cruel games with us. My mind would be doing this to me no matter what my skill set were so it’s a good thing I got writing skillz so I have something to blame it on.
Writers have a particular and definable set of neurotic battles that play in our heads. This week I was hit full in the face with the battle of perfectionism.

     If I were going to pursue a career besides this one, I would be a psychologist so please excuse me as I get all deep and psychological, but I think we’ve mislabeled perfectionism. For the sake of clarity let’s at least get the names of the battles right.

 Coward    

  Perfectionism is when you can’t keep writing because your mind keeps screaming all of the fixing that needs to happen. You haven’t described the cook yet. Where is this sentence going? I thought that was happening in the second act. You’re spending too long on this scene. You’re going to fast through everything! One of my favorite quotes by author Anne Lamott happens to be about perfectionism, “Perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping stone just right, you won’t have to die.” This is exactly what I thought. 
The level of completeness of my work had, in my mind, become directly tied to my survival. Also to my future.   I’m not in school, I have no degree, I’m not certain my Christian Humanities would have meant a whole lot anyway, this is it. I’ve decided I want to write and if I can’t do that, I’ve failed. But if my book is perfect now, if I plant clues and weave story lines and construct dialogue just right, each step of the way, then maybe I’m ok. Maybe I didn’t miss my chance.

Goose.

    This is ridiculous. I turned 22 this month, the idea that I could have missed my chance at living a successful and fulfilled life is preposterous and just a little arrogant. No, this is not perfectionism. This is cowardice. Market research gives me an excuse to read a lot of teen fantasy(knights, kings, dragons, and crap) and if there's one thing I've learned from those stories it's that you are no better than the thing that kills you. If you die brave and strong you will be remembered as brave and strong. If you die a coward, you were a coward. I can tell you right now, my momma didn't raise no cowards.  

     To hell with cowardice. Forward march! 

3 Down 97 to Go

Days Writing: 3

Goal: 3000 wds

Words Written: 3600

I don't have a lot to say about it today, except that these first few days have not been easy, but they are looking up. I'm finally figuring out what they mean when they say, "Don't take yourself too seriously." They mean(in a Jersey accent), "Who do you think you are, a god or something?! No. No one but a freakin' loon thinks they can sit down and write a masterpiece, ok? Honey, ya doin' fine, just get that crap out and we'll fix it latuh. And fuh the love of Guod, stay away from dialect."  

Roth the Cripple, a slimy fella.  

Thank you, experienced Jersey author in my head, that actually makes me feel a lot better. And it's true. The more I write, but more I'm realizing it doesn't really matter how much your first draft sucks, just get it on paper and you can fix it later. 

On a happy note, one of my favorite characters just showed up. His name is Roth, cause I'm basing him on a character played by Tim Roth. Obviously I'm real good at naming stuff. 

1 Down, 99 to Go

This is the roof that I slept on in Haiti  and that inspired the roof
 from which Elynna watches the stars. 

Well folks, we have survived the first melee. It's possible that choosing to write page 1 of the first chapter during my very first writing session was a bad idea.
     The first part of your book is just so dang important. It's where you introduce your character, the world they live in, the people they live with, what makes them special, what their deepest desires are, and what needs to change. That's quite a shopping list.
     As a reader, it's all about writing style and story style. The way an author starts their book is very, very important to me. If the they introduce me to their story in a way that's overly dramatic and/or too on the nose, I'm out. "Rebekah Alvarez didn't know she was a spy. Didn't know that is, until this afternoon when her life, and maybe the entire world, would change forever!" No thank you.
     I have such high standards for the opening chapter and such high respect for authors who do them well, that it was rather nerve wracking to write my own. Also, there's a lot to do. All of the things I listed up there have to be communicated because the first chapter is your spring board from which every other thing springs. With out a properly constructed spring board, your story is just gonna flop.

Elynna lives in Southern Settlement, a city I imagine looks something like
a dry, desert version of Carrefour, Haiti.

Nevertheless, that's where I started. I edited as I went and spent a little less than four hours and 1200 words introducing my girl, giving a taste of her personality, background, and current status quo(Frodo in the Shire) and finally, setting up her emotional and physical goals(i.e. Will Frodo destroy the ring?).  It all happens very quickly, and I'm certain I'll go back and add a whole slew of interactions to communicate what the country is like, but for now it works alright. I'd like to get her to the inciting incident(Frodo is given the ring which sets him on his quest) at the end of chapter 1, so I think I'm on track.

Yesterday I wrote my first thousand words! Here's the first bit:
    Elynna wouldn’t say that she was owned by Joss, she was just severely and irrevocably indebted to him. On really rough nights she would remind herself of her at least technical freedom to keep from sinking into a black hole of bitterness. Bitterness would only make her angrier at an unchanging truth: She was trapped. There was no getting away from it. How, you may ask, does a 17-year-old girl rack up an insurmountable amount of debt? By making it to year 9.

If she hadn’t, she’d be debt free. Dead, yes, but free. If she’d only stopped while she was ahead, she’d have no soul crushing reality that her life would never be more than Indentured Tavern Girl. But she had been younger then and overcoming the natural instinct to cling to life is difficult at any age; at nine it’s almost impossible. She hadn’t know what future awaited her and was still naive enough to think that it would be good and fair and livable. “Silly girl.”

So, what does this make you think about our leading lady? What do you think about her past? Her point of view? Her demeanor? 

0 Down, 100 to Go

     This blog used to be something else. It was called Today's Writing Is...and it may return to that 101 days from now, but for now it is tasked with both giving an account of, and keeping me accountable to, writing 1000 words each day and thus finishing my first draft in the next 100 days.

Tess Stern serves as the inspiration for my story's heroine, Elynna. Who wouldn't want to watch her save a kingdom?

     I cannot guarantee it will be interesting. I cannot guarantee the book won't suck. Also, I cannot guarantee your safety(I always wanted to say that). I have simply come to the place where I have planned all I can and just can't stall anymore.Yikes!
     Here's to diving into the deep end.

V.A. Stern