6 Down 94 to Go: The many faces of Cowardice

Days Writing: 6

Goal: 6000 words

Words Written: 6042

Coward 

Writers, if you didn’t know, are notoriously neurotic. Our minds run wild and play very cruel games with us. My mind would be doing this to me no matter what my skill set were so it’s a good thing I got writing skillz so I have something to blame it on.
Writers have a particular and definable set of neurotic battles that play in our heads. This week I was hit full in the face with the battle of perfectionism.

     If I were going to pursue a career besides this one, I would be a psychologist so please excuse me as I get all deep and psychological, but I think we’ve mislabeled perfectionism. For the sake of clarity let’s at least get the names of the battles right.

 Coward    

  Perfectionism is when you can’t keep writing because your mind keeps screaming all of the fixing that needs to happen. You haven’t described the cook yet. Where is this sentence going? I thought that was happening in the second act. You’re spending too long on this scene. You’re going to fast through everything! One of my favorite quotes by author Anne Lamott happens to be about perfectionism, “Perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping stone just right, you won’t have to die.” This is exactly what I thought. 
The level of completeness of my work had, in my mind, become directly tied to my survival. Also to my future.   I’m not in school, I have no degree, I’m not certain my Christian Humanities would have meant a whole lot anyway, this is it. I’ve decided I want to write and if I can’t do that, I’ve failed. But if my book is perfect now, if I plant clues and weave story lines and construct dialogue just right, each step of the way, then maybe I’m ok. Maybe I didn’t miss my chance.

Goose.

    This is ridiculous. I turned 22 this month, the idea that I could have missed my chance at living a successful and fulfilled life is preposterous and just a little arrogant. No, this is not perfectionism. This is cowardice. Market research gives me an excuse to read a lot of teen fantasy(knights, kings, dragons, and crap) and if there's one thing I've learned from those stories it's that you are no better than the thing that kills you. If you die brave and strong you will be remembered as brave and strong. If you die a coward, you were a coward. I can tell you right now, my momma didn't raise no cowards.  

     To hell with cowardice. Forward march!