How to be Alone: A Lesson from a Pro

About four years ago, in what was the beginning of the most hopelessly lonely years of my life, my mom prayed, "God, Tori went off to Bible College and is in the very middle of your will, can't she at least have fun on a Friday night?" He said, "Bo, I want so much more for her than a fun Friday night." And this is what He meant.

Alone.
If there's one thing I have under my belt, it's how to be alone.
I've been alone in the darkened theater.
I've been alone in the sun and alone on the rainy beach.
I've been alone.
I need alone, too.

I write alone.
I write alone because the second someone says, "You should add purple scarecrows," purple scarecrows are off limits because they weren't my idea.
I write alone because it's easier to be honest when no one sees you do it.

I sleep alone.
I try very hard to only cry when I'm alone.
I worry alone.
I dance alone.
I dream alone.
I hang out alone. "Ashley liked your status." "Jake retweeted your tweet." "Hannah commented on your photo: #instalife"
Those are the worst alones. They remind you that you are alone.

I pray alone.
I wait alone.
I grieve alone.
I sing alone. Loudly.
I clean alone.
I read alone.
I am the most myself alone.
I moved away from my family all on my own.

Still, I'm only lonely occasionally.
In those moments of lonesome, I call it what it is, smile, and move on.
That sounds like the sort of advice one would receive from someone who gives completely useless advice, but 90% of the battle is giving it a name.



Loneliness,
Fear,
Boredom,
Anger.
When I can't figure out what I'm feeling I say, "I'm in a Funk. It's just a Funk Day," and that usually does the trick.

True story.

All of this alone has taught me how to value loneliness.
It's highlighted my weakness and my strengths: Not great at building a bookshelf, super good at filling.
It's taught me to rely on my own spurring on of self confidence instead of the verbal or typed affirmation of others('cause I'm awesome, that's why).
It's taught me to value the church family I have now and the family that I will have someday.
Because let's be honest, we'd really rather not be alone.

In it's healthiest state, being alone hasn't taken me away from others so much as it has brought me to God.
God is always there.
He knows what I'm thinking and feeling even when I don't realize it, or won't admit it.
He dances and cries and even, on occasion, giggles like a little girl with me.

While I may be the most myself when I am alone, I am a better myself when I'm with Him.
I'm joyful, content, hopeful, compassionate, confident, and lighthearted.
And that is so much better than a fun Friday night.