On my love of old German men.

     I have an affinity for older German men. Much older and pretty German. 

 

I mean...come on!

 It started with Inglorious Bastards. I, like all warmblooded beings who watched Inglorious Bastards, was mesmerized by Christoph Waltz's portrayal of Hans Landa. I had never seen anything like it before. I could try to describe why he's indescribably wonderful here, but I won't. The combination of Waltz and Tarantino leaves me speechless. Nothing else does, so enjoy this moment. Enjoy this moment specifically by finding a clip on YouTube of Hans Landa. Then, when you're speechless too, come back and read the rest of my post. You'll just be sitting there anyway.  

      I also love Professor Fritz Bhaer. He is a character in Little Women whom I talked about a bit here. I love him because he is the smartest, most open-minded guy in the room, but he's never condescending. He's the kind of guy you want to impress even though he's actually pretty sheepish. I tend to feel inferior around people older and smarter than me, like everything I say highlights my inexperience. But Fritz was the kind of older gentleman whose years only made him appreciate the young. Youth ought to be treasured, not sneered at. The point is, I love that German man. 

     My most recent Older German Love is less old than the others but till twelve years older than me, Michael Fassbender. I first saw him as Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre. If you're not familiar with the role, he plays an emotionally unavailable tease with a temper. And he is amazing in it. He was also stunning in X-Men: First Class and--oh! I guess I first saw him in Inglorious Bastards where he plays a guy who, ironically, fails to be convincingly German and gets everybody killed. That scene is incredible. Seriously, go watch Inglorious Bastards. I'll come watch it with you, it is worth watching at least once. Please, it's genius.

I lived with a cat named Mr. Rochester. He was a jerk, too.

      Ok, back to the men. I only have one more thing to say about Michael Fassbender and that is that he is a bad a** mother******. There's just no two ways about it.

      Victoria, why do you love old German men? Well, it could be because I am German and am, thus, genetically disposed to liking them. But I don't think it's that. I think, as we get older, we value different things in the opposite sex. I used to value a similar sense of humor to my own over just about everything else. I still value this very very very very highly, but I also value a man's ability to pay his bills. 

      I know very funny young men whom I have no interested in dating because they don't seem to have any vocational goals or aspirations. Where's the passion? Where's the ambition? What are you doing with your life? We're at the age, fellas, where we can no longer just say,  "My dream is to be a firefighter someday." That's awesome. Now get into the necessary classes, you two-year-old. Sorry, that was mean, I shouldn't have said that. 

     The point is, the Recession that made you drop out of school is now over. Time to move your life forward. Post Depression, young men didn't get to live in their parents furnished basement and become semi-pro BMX racers. They got to become homeowners. And they got awesome Post Depression era wives who I imagine were strong working mothers and pretty BA. (Bad Ass. I doubt any of them had a Bachelor in the Arts. I'll stop swearing now, I promise.) I find myself liking old German men because I also find myself liking:

Simmons and Brando. So much class. 

1. Men who have their stuff together. Not all of their stuff all the way together, but, ya know, getting there.

2. Men who know what they want. What do you want? Be decisive. Have an opinion. Otherwise what are we ever going to talk about?

3. Men who know what they want and make it happen. Again, ambition. Also, the capability of handling life. I do this in my own life by writing my book and this blog and being a research intern. What do you want to do and how are you obtaining it today?

4. Men who are classy. Be able to have a conversation with a stranger. How's your handshake? Nothing says, "I can't provide for a family," like a weak handshake. Walk women to their cars. Not just your date, women. In general. Why? Because you're a man and it's what classy men do when interacting with women they respect. 

     While I don't think I will actually marry an older German man, I know I won't date Preston, the career barista. Or Lucas, the AT&T employee, but that's not because he's not ambitions, it's because I have never heard worse work stories than those of AT&T employees. And by worse, I mean mind-numbingly boring, but the person telling it has no idea. I want better things for my life and for my children.