*Accidentally in Love: An Experiment in the Immense Use of Hyphens

*Title rights not owned by author, property of that band that did that song for Shrek back in the early 2000’s.

There are a few different ways we love things as humans. One of them is to want to love the things you love. Another is to not really want to love the things you love.

We are who we are and some of us are
 the getters of gear and cog tattoos.

I am a writer. It’s just true. Deep down in the me-est part there is, you will find the same gears and cogs that have cranked up and unwound the best and worst literary minds. These are the gears that told the consequences of feeding friendly, overall-wearing rodents home-baked goods. These gears cranked out the eternally identifiable Elizabeth Bennet. These gears even drove, to the vast dismay of High School Freshman everywhere, William Shakespeare to pen a tale of star-crossed lovers. These gears are in me and they lead me to believe that I love writing.
Imagine my confusion when I would sit down to the computer and find that I did, in fact, have nothing to say, or incoherent things to say, or unimportant things to say, or worst of all, boring things to say. All of these feelings and fears and disabling thoughts made me question if maybe I really didn’t love writing. I found it tedious one day, but exhilarating and fulfilling and the best thing I could do for the rest of my life the next. Writing, it seemed, was a mixed bag of tricks.

A surprisingly fitting example of happily
wanting to love the things ya love.:)

I have learned rather recently that this is the price you pay for being a writer. The price is that for a not small portion of it you have to be miserable. The payback is that you get to absolutely, head-over-heels love all the other portions(editing, polishing, fixing). Another upside is that you end up with something you can share and if you share it with the right people, they might head-over-heels love it, too. (Another writer plus is that you are encouraged to do a really bad job at first. In fact, the bad is where you get your material from. So, suck it up and fail big. You just might win a Newbery.)
All of this writing rambling is to show that you want to love some of the things you love. The thought of not loving writing made me frightened that maybe I wasn’t actually a writer. I was a afraid because I really want that for myself. A good thing too, as I’m stuck with all the gears I got.
Part II comes next. It will contain thoughts on not really wanting to love the things you love--also, I’m gonna bait you here with the promise of pictures of cute kids from my travels. I’m that low. But you are, too. So. See you then.

A Tip from the I-Love-That-I-Love-This-Epiphany: Once you figure out what you love, throw yourself into it with abandon and bravery, because terror adds fun…and material if you are a writer, movie producer, or torture chamber administrative assistant.

--T (Tobias)

My story is...

Hardly believing it's Fall. This weekend three things happened all in a whirlwind of occurrence. I dove to Bend and back and forth between there and Eagle Crest to watch young children for a retreat, the month of October reared it's lovely head, and a cold front seems to have settled over Portland while I was gone. This triple threat of happenings has worked seamlessly together to leave me fully immersed in Autumn.
After two days the kids tired me out enough to make me slow down, breath deep, and notice things like the way the sun and my drapes color my room a Fallish sort of gold int he morning.
The month changed from non-committal, could-be-Summer-could-be-Fall September to sold-out-for-the-cause-known-to-all-in-association-with-pumpkins October. On top of that, it happened when I wasn't looking(Did you know it's already the 4th?).
Last but not least, it's cold. It's so  cold I need a scarf. It's so cold I need a jacket. It's so cold I use the heater. For someone who will sweat through September wrapped in her cutest scarf because she wishes it were Autumn already, this is a big deal.

And so, in one fell swoop, the world around and my little city decided to change and agree with me.
It's time for Fall.
(yay)

Post Script: This post inspired by Breken Kitchen and a journal that says "write your own story."

Be Spunky...but not stupid.

The other day I had a particularly tiring day at work so when I got off I grabbed food and went to the movies by myself. Now, the point of going to the movies alone is to be able to relax and be alone, text people during the previews then enjoy the film. But for some reason every time I go, I find myself looking for someone else sitting alone. If I find someone I always want to go sit with them, thus defeating the purpose of going alone in the first place. Why do I do that? When I see another loner I think, "We have something in common. How fun would it be to introduce myself and sit with them? Wait, I came alone, that's the point." And then I sit down and enjoy myself, but I always think for a fleeting moment about the lost opportunity to do something spunky.

Another problem with my new cinema friend: Not very many girls go to movies alone. There is definitely a difference between asking a girl "Is this seat taken?" and asking a guy "Is this seat taken?" In the years I've gone to movies I don't think I've ever seen a woman under 60 alone in the theater. I have, however, seen a surprising amount of guys alone. In fact, the first time I went to a movie alone I was one of two people there. I considered sitting with the other guy, but the movie was Stardust and it was weird that he was there alone.

Anyway, I enjoy going to movies by myself and in the spirit of adventure I'll sit next to the next sane-looking girl I see in the cinema.

What do you enjoy and how will you add some spunk to it next time?

-Young Victoria

Post Script: I saw The Other Guys. I give it 3 stars. It was a 4 star movie, but it looses a star for being too inappropriate to watch at home without fast-forwarding(it was on the same level as Anchorman). Here's a funny clip!

Life is a Box of Stalagmites?

Head lamp: $20
Full gas tank: $40
Climbing through a pitch black cave with my younger brother and sister: Priceless.

Have you ever been spelunking? As one of my favorite children's book characters Fancy Nancy would say, Spelunking is a fancy word for walking through a dark cave. All you do is grab a flashlight, a snack, your hiking shoes and you're set to drive to the nearest cave and spelunk! 
Last time I went home I went spelunking with my brother, Josiah(10), and my sister, Tess(15). My family lives in Bend, OR where there is a plethora of caves near town; so Tess, Joe, and I grabbed a snack(something about caving leaves you famished, but not thirsty), clambered into my car and drove the 20 miles to Boyd Cave.
Quick caving plug: It's easy enough for kids to enjoy, it's naturally air conditioned(we were pretty cold the whole time), and our particular cave was only about an hour long trek from start to finish.

The three of us had so much fun together. As it happens, Tess and I have the same reaction to being in complete darkness, but for the light of our flashlights. Our depth perception and equilibrium get poned. After about twenty minutes the change is noticeable. When lowering from one rock to another three two feet looks like four, when stepping onto another rock your foot hits it just before you thought it would, and if at any time you stop moving you start swaying. My first time spelunking the cave took an hour and a half to two hours to get through and by the end of it my knees were shaking and I could hardly walk straight or without tripping. With about fifty yards of flat cave to go, I asked the person next to me if I could please hold their arm until we got to the cave. The change was instantaneous. As soon as I took their arm I had control again. Alone I felt like I was slowly falling forward because the ground kept hitting my foot too soon, now I was just walking. Alone I was confused and frustrated by an environment that was taking over, now I stood tall and straight and confident.

Life is to cave as people are to flawed.
Arm is to stability as God is to grace.

We are all of us human. We cannot help but make mistakes, and God knows it 'cause He made us that way. When I do something unwise I tend to beat myself up for it, but every time I hear God say, "You're in a cave of course you're going to fall; just take my arm." And that makes me feel a lot better about the whole situation.

Post Script: "Poned" means "Professionally owned" according to my sister. Here it is in context:

Wednesday Win!

Welcome, welcome Wednesday Win! Today's win has so many things going right, it's heard to tell which aspect is the true Win. After slight internal struggle, I give you:

Wednesday Win: Senior Safety Feature Win

The Great Hunt

The successful hunter uses all available resources.;)

It comes in and nothing you can do will stop it. A very dramatic opening sentence, but there you have it.

The desire for Purpose is unstoppable. We all have one, a Purpose. Most of us are hunting it. A lucky few have actually trapped it and managed not to screw it up. This is, of course, the person we all wish to be. The Purpose Trapper and Tender. Much like actual hunters--successful Purpose Trappers come in all shapes and sizes. Wither they knew what they wanted to do when they were 6, 16, or 60, at some point they went into the wild, took the shot and now have a lovely White Tailed Purpose mounted in their den. I, being a twenty something with the world at my fingertips, have been wondering recently what my purpose is. I know that overall it's to love Jesus and serve the Church and love people. That's my big picture, whole life Purpose and I love it. However, in the finding-your-purpose-is-a-hunt analogy this overall purpose is like the forest I'm hunting in. It will always be there as the thing I'm hunting in as apposed to the thing I'm actually hunting.

I started writing this a few days ago and I believe I discovered the secret to this hunt: It isn't one hunt, it's one thousand hunts. All of us have a purpose for right now, today. In six months it will have changed at least in some marginal way. In six years it could be completely transformed. In real life there are no Trappers or Tenders of Purpose. We are all of us hunters. We catch one and then we release it so that we may find the next one. The beauty of this is the vast room it leaves for mistakes. We can always redirect our path or start over if need be. The only ones who fail the hunt are the ones who stop or never tried.

When I catch today's Purpose, I'll try not to be too satisfied. First I'll celebrate, then look for tomorrow's, remember to check my progress on next years, and pray a little about that Purpose fifty years from now. And so it will go, a long and exciting life of catch and release.    

Happy Trails,

Young Victoria

Friday Fail

Life is made up of victories and failures small and great. To honor these moments I am posting Friday Fail and Wednesday Win in the hopes that we may celebrate in the successes of others and be reminded that at least we're smarter than that guy.

Here is your first Friday Fail: Inspiration Fail